Kagwe Threatens to Forcefully Vaccinate all Kenyans by Drone Strike

Health CS Mutahi Kagwe has threatened to vaccinate all Kenyans through drone strikes if Kenyans do not take his vaccination threats seriously. Speaking after Kenyans failed to heed the government’s vaccine mandate, Kagwe said that it was time that drones armed with vaccine launchers were dispatched for mass vaccination in all parts of Kenya, starting […]


NHIF to Pay for Self-Medication

The National Hospital Insurance Fund (NHIF) will soon start paying for your favorite form of healthcare – self-medication. In a major win for the people, NHIF will compensate you for using traditional forms of medical care instead of rushing to the hospital anytime you have a common cold or a strange pain that you are […]


Society of Idiots Grants Mutahi Kagwe a Category 6 Status

Health CS Mutahi Kagwe has earned himself international recognition after the revered Society of Idiots (SoI) granted him a category 6 status, joining a group of select world leaders who have earned the coveted title. Kagwe, who heads Kenya’s health docket and has steered the country through the Covid-19 pandemic by sheer luck and guesswork […]


Mutahi Kagwe Reveals the Formula Used to Cook Covid-19 Stats

Kenyans can now learn the secrets of the kitchen that is used to cook Covid-19 statistics after Mutahi Kagwe revealed the formula so that Kenyans can do the cooking themselves. After nearly 18 months of intensive cookery, potlucking and general kitchen gymnastics that are employed to keep the media well fed and Kenyans satisfied. Donors […]


Kenya Sues USAID for Delaying ARVs Donation

Kenya has filed a suit against The United States Agency for International Development after the organization delayed the donation of much needed ARVs to Kenya. In the suit filed in a US Court, Kenya claims that the lives of many Kenyans were at stake after USAID failed to pay taxes on donated ARVs, delaying the […]


KEMSA Board Thanks Uhuru for the Opportunity to Eat

The outgoing KEMSA Board has expressed a heartfelt thanksgiving to president Uhuru Kenyatta for the time he gave them a chance to eat at KEMSA. Speaking shortly after the ousting, KEMSA Board chair Kembi Gitura said that they were happy for the opportunity that Uhuru had granted them to eat, and now they move on […]


Sputnik V Okay if Imported by Approved Cartels – MoH

Kenya has once again changed tune on the use of the Russian made Covid-19 vaccine, allowing the use of Sputnik V vaccine only if imported by the right cartel. A directive from the Ministry of Health said that Sputnik V vaccine was welcome in Kenya only if it was imported by the government leaning cartels […]


MoH Warns of the 196th Wave of Malaria

The Ministry of Health has urged for increased caution after it emerged that Kenya could be going through the 196th wave of malaria. Data from the ministry shows that the number of people infected with malaria has tripled in the last week, with various malaria hotspots such as the coast and Western Kenya running out […]


KEMSA Spends 29m on Security after Passersby Increase by 1856%

The Kenya Medical Supplies Agency (KEMSA) has beefed up security on its premises after the number of pedestrian passersby increased by 1856% in the last three months. The unusual phenomena have forced KEMSA to hire an advanced security team to guard its premises as the intent and motive of the passersby is not clear. “The […]