State Capture – How Locusts Took Control of the Ministry of Agriculture in Kenya

As Kenya grapples with multiple problems in various sectors of the economy, it is now emerging that a bigger problem that has gone undetected for months is about to bring down the entire ministry of Agriculture. Locusts have taken over all operations and critical infrastructure at the ministry of Agriculture in Kenya.

The infiltration

Signs that locusts had waged a successful coup at the ministry of Agriculture began to emerge last month during a briefing by the top ministry officials. Kenyans were shocked when the ministry announced that it expected the locusts – the same creatures that had defied police, Al-Shabaab and pesticides – to die naturally of old age.

Many were suspicious that this strategy of ‘wait and see them die’ had been given to the ministry by the locusts. But earlier this month, the minister of Agriculture cleared all doubt on who is running the ministry when he said that the locusts are pregnant and not eating much.

For those who are too young to understand that statement, the relationship between eating and pregnancy is one of the most studied topics in the world today. While it is obvious that Peter Munya has never been pregnant, it would be expected that he would at least know that a pregnant animal must feed twice, for itself, and for the pregnancy. But the complication here is that a single locust will lay 50 – 100 eggs at once, meaning the locust must feed 50 – 100 times while pregnant. Simple logic!

How comes that every single decision being made at the Ministry of Agriculture is in the favor of the locusts? Why does it look like the ministry is fighting Kenyans on behalf of the locusts? It is not a coincidence.

The Coup

The exact details of how the locusts staged a bloodless coup can now be revealed.

It began with the former Ministry of Agriculture Mwangi Kiunjuri, whose removal from the government was engineered by the locusts themselves. (Read Mwangi Kiunjuri blames locusts for his sacking). The locusts were focused, and knew that the fish rots and lives from the head. They went for the head.

Having successfully toppled Kiunjuri, locusts went ahead to put key people in the ministry before the next Cabinet Secretary could take over. Currently, 11% of the senior staff in the ministry are known to be deep cover agents working for locusts.

But it is the final act of the locusts that has made the coup successful; hacking into Peter Munya’s head. Currently, the CS in charge of Agriculture is not in charge of himself. Locusts managed to hack into his head and take control of strategic thought processes, effectively controlling the whole ministry. This is why you hear him saying that the locusts are just vising Kenya and are a major boost to our tourism industry.

In 2022, it is highly likely that we will see a locust go for the top seat in Kenya.

Cut out the middleman by joining our Telegram Channel below.


This is PostaMate notification channel. We bring to you the best of satire.

One Reply to “State Capture – How Locusts Took Control of the Ministry of Agriculture in Kenya

Comments are closed.