Governance International

Britain Considering Recolonization of Nigeria after 60 Years of Failed Independence

Nigeria could be handed back to its colonial masters – the British – after 60 years of independence failed to produce anything more than jollof and a unhealthy obsession with North America.

In what would be the first case of a country losing independence because they were better off without it, Britain is considering resuming its colonial rule in Nigeria and helping instill common sense to the most populous country in Africa.

60 Years of Misery

The move follows 60 years of failed independence, where corruption, poverty, poor leadership and poorer citizenry have resulted to a failed state and nothing more than misery and more misery. According to the British Council, 50 years is the time required for a former colony to prove its worth and in the case of Nigeria, they even went ahead to give a 10 year grace period. A recent report by the same body also found that Nigerians were happier in the colony of Nigeria than in independent Nigeria.

“Recalling a failed former colony is not something we are willing to do, but Nigeria has left us without options and it is time we moved to save the natives from themselves,” said Donal McCabe, the head of Royal Communications is the Communications Secretary to the Queen.

Britain also took offense with the former colony’s unhealthy obsession with everything American, reminding them that they are a British Colony and not an American colony. “They need to remember that we colonized both Nigeria and the US.”

Most Nigerians welcomed the move, although it will be hard to implement. Governance experts have always believed that Nigerians are ungovernable, something that may make Britain develop cold feet.