Alchemist Apologizes to all Natives who have Experienced Discrimination at the Club

The Alchemist Club in Nairobi has issued an apology to all the natives who may have been turned away while trying to access areas reserved to normal patrons.

Following a social media outcry, the management of the club said that it was committed to ensuring that the natives are treated well, irrespective of the long queues which have actually proved to be a good deterrent to the disorderly pishori babes.

“It has never been our intention to upset the natives, without whom this club would not be in the news. We appreciate the primitive energy that they bring to the club, and we look forward to seeing them being served almost as fast as everyone else.”

The management said that as a sign of inclusion and diversity, they have black bouncers serving both the negroes and the other people who frequent the place. “We have natives as bouncers and they do a good job. It would be evil to have bouncers from India handling black people. If there was a misunderstanding at the club, please note that it is a matter of a native bouncer dealing with a native patron. This is a matter they can solve back at home using any method they see fit.”

Increased Queues for Natives

Following the spectacle, the club will now have more queues dedicated to the natives, giving them a near express check in. Bouncers will also be reeducated to be able to handle the matter in a manner that does not upset the ‘economic balance’ of the club. Further, the club said that it is open to all people, as long as they queue appropriately.

The statement also noted that it was unfair to ask the club to relocate in India, when they already did their math by establishing it in Parklands instead of Eastlands.

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