International

Kenya Donates Slingshots to Ukraine as Cyber Warfare Expected to Render Most Weapons Obsolete

Ukraine army has received a major boost after Kenya shipped a consignment of 750,000 lethal slingshots to aid their defense against Russia’s continued military assault.

The shipment which is first of its kind will allow Ukraine to continue fighting even after Cyber attacks cripple most of modern weaponry, a step that Russia is expected to take in the next few days.

Speaking while flagging off the donation, Kenya’s Defense Secretary Monica Juma said that Kenya is well versed in traditional warfare and was going to use its vast knowledge to offer technical support to Ukraine. She said that more traditional weapons would be dispatched in the coming days.

“We have what it takes to win a war when electronics are not involved. Even guns today are computerized and as soon as a major cyber-attack happens, only manual projectiles will be used in the war. This is where we come in.”

The CS further added that the choice of slingshots was informed by the fact that Ukraine was in a David-Goliath situation where slingshots have proved useful in the past.

“Ukraine is facing their Goliath and we are helping them to do it just as it happened in the past – with a slingshot. Besides, this is one of the greenest weaponries because it uses locally available materials such as rubble left behind from Russian bombings.”

Cyber-war

Research by the Institute of Public Cybersecurity showed that a powerful computer virus, an equivalent of SARS-CoV-2 virus but for electronics, was likely to be deployed in the Russia-Ukraine war. This would render all modern weapons that depend on some electronics useless, as well as cutting off communication which is the backbone of any warfare.

By having slingshots on standby, Ukraine will have a second line of defense against Russia as well as a reliable backup should they run out of bottles to make Molotov cocktail.

Kremlin is yet to comment on the matter, and media report suggest that Putin does not know where Kenya is located, making it harder for Russia to retaliate.

Cut out the middleman by joining our Telegram Channel below.

PostaMate

This is PostaMate notification channel. We bring to you the best of satire.