Uhuru Taps Seasoned Dowry Negotiators to Help Secure Affordable Loans

President Uhuru Kenyatta has contracted a team of seasoned dowry negotiators to help secure Kenya affordable loans in the midst of the ongoing debt distress.

Speaking after the Labor Day celebrations, President Kenyatta said that the high interest paid on loans had become a threat to the national security, hence the need to ensure new loans don’t come with too much interest. For this reason, Uhuru appointed a team of experienced dowry negotiators who will deploy their dowry negotiation skills to secure Kenya cheap loans from China, IMF, AfDB and any other gullible partner who is willing to keep lending to Kenya.

“I have today secured the services of these four gentlemen to help my government secure favorable credit. These four bring a wide pool of experience, having been tested from Kamukuywa to Kangeta and from Loitokitok to Lokichogio. These people have a proven track record and once they sit on the negotiation table, we might end up with grants instead of loans.”

The step was welcomed by Kenyans who fully understand what the government is going through for they are also choking in debts from shylocks, banks, saccos and digital lenders.

Debt Burden

Kenya is already spending more than 60% of all tax collected in debt repayment, leaving only 40% which is not sufficient for salaries and allowances. Without further borrowing, there will be no funds available for development for the next 17 years, hence the need to keep borrowing.

The 2022/2023 budget also proposed a raise in debt ceiling to aid recovery from the current debt repayments. This means that the next president will be at liberty to borrow more in order to pay the past loans.

Dowry negotiators in Kenya hold immense soft power and they hold the destiny of many people in their hands. Besides the difficulty of identifying a wife material, the next most cited reason for not getting married is high dowry quote which can only be solved by a seasoned dowry negotiator.

Their time though could be coming to an end with the rise of dowry negotiation startups.

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