Politics

Aden Duale: I have Moved on to Heavier Duties, such as Controlling the Setting of the Sun

Ousted National Assembly Majority Leader and Garissa Township MP Aden Duale has rubbished claims that he is now powerless, saying that he is now more influential than ever! Speaking shortly after the Jubilee Parliamentary Group (PG) meeting held at the Kenyatta International Convention Centre (KICC), Duale said that he was glad to be relieved of

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Politics

Kalonzo Finally Relinquishes his Melon Tendencies to join Jubilee

Kalonzo Muskoka has finally come out of his melon shell to join President Kenyatta’s Jubilee coalition, but without formally denouncing the NASA pact. The decision leaves the indecisive soft-spoken political skimmer at an elevated position likely to benefit from either side of the political divide. While affirming this, Kalonzo quoted Chinua Achebe’s Arrow of God

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Politics

‘To be an Earthly Ruler, Invest on Earth as Much as in Heaven’ – Talai Elders.

Recently, the hustler from Sugoi paid homage to the powerful Talai elders in Nandi. Known for their crucial role in anointing kings from the time of Koitalel Arap Samoei, the elders undisputedly holds the key to Statehouse. It is in the public domain that Moi, Kibaki, and now Uhuru were single-handedly installed to the throne

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Politics

Kenyan Politician Donates Buckets to Help Constituents Bathe in a Dry River

A Member of Parliament in Kenya, last seen napping in The National Assembly, is under fire after reports emerged that he came to the aid of his constituents by donating buckets in order to avert the dangers of bathing in the river. The gesture came amid protests from the area residents decrying lack of access

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International

REVEALED: TRUMP LIVING RENT-FREE IN THE HEADS OF DEMOCRATS

An anonymous source from the Trump Administration yesterday leaked information that despite having the whole of White House as well as dozens of his own residential buildings, Donald Trump was instead living rent-free in the heads of all Democrats. The source further clarified that the God-Emperor Of The United States, Donald Trump, moved into his

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Politics Social

William Ruto Gifts State House Kenya a Giant Golden Horse

The bromance between Kenya’s President Uhuru Kenyatta and the Deputy President William Ruto has been restored this morning after Ruto gifted State House Kenya a golden horse that symbolizes the value and the bright future of Kenya. The 12 meter tall golden horse was hailed as a game changer in the Jubilee Party politics, since

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Politics

Jubilee Party Removes Ruto’s Hand From their Logo

It’s now official. The marriage is over. The Jubilee Party of Kenya has removed William Ruto’s hand from its logo, marking the final nail of the coffin for the marriage between Uhuru and Ruto’s camps. In the activity that was supervised by Raphael Tuju and witnessed by all but seven Senators, Jubilee said that there

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Politics

“I Regret for Striking Too Early” – William Ruto

Kenya’s Deputy President Dr William Ruto has spoken up on his humiliating political losses that he has suffered this week, admitting that he lost a battle, but is firmly in the war. Speaking to PostaMate, Dr Ruto said that he had miscalculated his timings and it is just a matter of time before he would

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Politics

Millicent Omanga Considering Amputation to Get Rid of a Tattoo of Uhuru Kenyatta

Tattoos are cool, but they are also permanent. Nominated Senator Millicent Omanga should have known that. After the bitter fallout in the ruling Jubilee Party, Senator Millicent Omanga has found herself on the wrong side of both fate and commonsense. An image of President Uhuru Kenyatta that she tattooed on her hand has refused to

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Governance Politics

Kenyans Asked to Choose Either Dynasty Thieves or Hustler Thieves

Kenyans are in a dilemma after being asked to make a decision on whether to continue with the dynasty thieves, or start life afresh with a new breed of hustler thieves. The offer was given by politicians who had come together to discuss the future of Kenya and forge a way forward that the whole

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