The Kenya Kwanza government has issued a public apology for the delay in fulfilling its campaign promise of bringing El Niño rains to the drought-stricken country. The new government spokesman, Isaac Mwaura, explained that the cause of the delay was a technical error in the KenyaSat satellite, which had mistakenly captured Amazon Web Services Nairobi Edge Cloud as the source of the expected El Niño.
“The cloud that the Kenya Meteorological Department referenced to in its forecasts is Amazon Web Services Cloud – that recently launched its edge Data Center in Nairobi,” said Isaac Mwaura. He further clarified, “The regrettable mix-up in capturing data about the cloud that would bring El Niño was due to mishaps in KenyaSat’s settings that wrongly pointed to Amazon Web Services Cloud instead of cumulo-nimbus clouds that bring El Niño. Our meteorologists and engineers in the Kenya Meteorological Department have remedied the issue. Kenyans can rest assured that when Google Cloud, Cloudoon Microsoft Azure Cloud launch their data centers in Nairobi, KenyaSat will not detect them as El Niño clouds.”
El Niño on course
Mwaura also assured the public that the government was still committed to delivering on its promise of bringing El Niño rains to the country and that it had already taken measures to expedite the process. He said that the government had contracted a team of experts from China to install artificial rain-making machines across the country and that they would be operational by next month.
“We have not given up on our promise of bringing El Niño to Kenya. We have invested heavily in artificial rain-making technology, which will create clouds and induce rainfall in any region we want. We have also secured a loan from China to finance this project, which will not only end the drought but also boost our agricultural production and economic growth.” Mwaura said.
He added that the government had also consulted with various religious leaders and traditional elders to seek their blessings and guidance for the success of the project. He said that the government had organized a national prayer day for next week, where all Kenyans would be urged to pray for rain and thank God for His mercy and grace.
El Niño Tenderpreneurs
Adding to the noise, Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua assured government departments that have already eaten the El Niño funds that the El Niño project was on course and would commence as soon as the mix-up was resolved. “We are a God-fearing nation, and we believe that God has a plan for us. We have sought His favor and intervention for this project, and we are confident that He will answer our prayers. We also respect our cultural heritage and traditions, and we have involved our elders and leaders in this process. We have asked them to perform rituals and ceremonies to appease the ancestors and spirits, and to ask them to send us rain.”
He concluded by appealing to all Kenyans to support the government’s efforts and to remain patient and hopeful. He said that the government was working hard to ensure that every Kenyan would enjoy the benefits of El Niño rains and that no one would be left behind.
“We are doing this for you, our beloved Kenyans. We are doing this for our future generations. We are doing this for our nation. We ask you to stand with us, to trust us, and to cooperate with us. Together, we will make Kenya great again. Together, we will bring El Niño to Kenya.” Mwaura said.
