Billions of shillings are about to start flowing as the official campaign period for the Building Bridges Initiative kicks in later this month. While everybody will be a loser (except the politicians), it is now evident that Kalenjin and Luo communities will be the biggest casualties if things go as planned. Even before the final […]
Politics
Furious Kakamega Bred Protester Nelson Havi Neutralized with a ‘Thermos’ of Tea in Parliament
When a man from Kakamega comes to your house raring to fight, the easiest way to diffuse the explosive situation is to unleash a ‘thermos’ full of tea, or better, serve some ugali. This is some ancient wisdom which smart people have always known. It seems that the clerk of the National Assembly Michael Sialai […]
Prostitutes Protest the Philosophical Promiscuity by Politicians in Kenya
A grassroot body made of commercial sex workers in Nairobi is raising concerns that the current political class in Kenya has taken promiscuity to a whole new low. Citing the flip flop nature of politicians and the willingness to fight for almost anything including nothing, the body said that politicians were beating them in their […]
1084 AD Prophecy Tells of 5th President of Kenya Making a Triumphant Entry into State House Riding on a Wheelbarrow
A recently discovered prophecy that dates back to 1084 AD has revealed that the next president of Kenya will have to make a triumphant entry into State House riding a on a wheelbarrow. In what could change the politics of the moment, politicians intending to get into State House will have to strategically position themselves […]
Uhuru forms a Taskforce of 30 Chemical Engineers to Guide on How to Dissolve Parliament
President Uhuru Kenyatta has responded to calls to dissolve Parliament by the Judiciary by stating that he is not aware of any solvent that can dissolve parliament. Speaking casually after reading Maraga’s letter on Social Media using his parody account, President Kenyatta warned that dissolving parliament is something beyond the ordinary Chemistry and possible solution […]
BBI Proposes Capital Punishment for Insulting Senior Mothers
The Building Bridges Initiative has proposed a death sentence for anyone who insults mothers of senior people in Kenya, saying that the move was long overdue. Speaking to reporters during the weekly media briefing, BBI chief architect Raila Odinga said that mothers hold a very special position in the society and any attempt to insult […]
Putin Offers to Mediate the Standoff Between Uhuru and Ruto over a Cup of Tea
Vladimir Putin, one of the most influential man on the planet and the President of Russia, has offered to help mediate the current bad blood between President Uhuru Kenyatta and his Deputy William Ruto. Speaking in Kremlin, Putin said that he was willing to invite the two leaders for a cup of tea and have […]
AU Warns that Coups are very Contagious
The African Union has advised governments to be very alert following the coup in Mali, saying that such occurrences are very contagious and you never know who will be next. Speaking to African leaders at the AU Secretariat, the AU Commissioner General warned African leaders to keep their ears on the ground because you never […]
Kipchumba Murkomen to Donate all his Salary to his own Pocket
Sometimes, wisdom lies in being in the opposition, and the evidence of this is in Kenyan politician Kipchumba Murkomen. The Elgeyo Marakwet Senator who until just the other day was a kamikaze jubilee apologist has suddenly found a lot of wisdom since he joined the opposition within the government. To be fair, he had always […]
Uhuru Kenyatta and William Ruto to Settle their Differences in a Boxing Ring
Kenya’s President and Deputy President are set to meet for a boxing match in an attempt to settle their ever increasing political differences. After months of fighting a cold war against each other, the two leaders have finally decided to act like men and settle their differences in the old way, where the winner will […]